Pack Mentality
by CommanderSpectre
Summary: A series of drabbles set in verse on my RP blog where the sheer act of coming back to life was killing Sarah Shepard, so Cerberus used the DNA sequencing of a long extinct race rumored to have enhanced regenerative abilities. It worked, and she recovered in a fraction of the time. She was, however, changed slowly, not showing symptoms until her incarceration on Earth.
1. Pack Mates

**I don't own Mass Effect**

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James knew upon meeting her that there was something subtly…off about the Commander. The way she moved at times, no one should be able to move like that. The way she looked at people sometimes, as if they were prey, like she was wondering what it would take to bring them down. Something lurked behind her eyes, something alien and at times, frightening. It wasn't all the time, however. Most days she was the Commander he always heard about, and then he got to know the woman. She laughed easily, and was incredibly charming and caring, her personality warm and open. His attraction to her came easy and sudden.

They were in the middle of a friendly sparring match when he saw a slight shift of muscle right before she laid him out on the mats, her body pinning his with a strength someone her size shouldn't have. That's when he saw it up close, a shadow passing over her eyes, the color sharpening briefly, something…inhuman taking over for just a brief moment. It kicked off every fight or flight response he had, and while that instinct always triggered him to fight, now it was telling him to run and run fast. He was looking at a predator that could kill him, that he had no chance of fighting and winning.

The look in her eyes changed from wondering how his blood would taste on her tongue to wondering how he _tasted_. She leaned into him, ducking under his chin and a shiver ran over his body as she smelled along his pulse point, lips brushing over the column of his throat. The low, appreciative sound had shook her chest but then she was off him, leaving the training room and him lying on the floor, the beginnings of an erection pressing against his pants.

He dreamed of her that night; coming into his room, hands moving over his bare chest, eyes glowing eerily in the light from the window as she looked up at him from by his groin. A choked groan catching in his throat as she pressed a kiss to hip. The look in her eyes had kept him from moving, freezing him in place as she took him in her hand, the corners of her lips curling. His alarm going off had cut the dream short, right before she went to take him into her mouth.

James almost couldn't face her that day, and the looks she gave him like she _knew_ weren't helping.

Everything went on high alert when she had suddenly taken ill, locking herself away in her room, refusing to go to the medbay, her skin clammy and cold even as she was wracked by a dangerously high fever. She shivered as if she were freezing, color draining from her skin. He was the only one she would allow into the room, asking him to stay with her. All the food and drink was checked for poisons or toxins, but they had all eaten and drank the same thing and she was the only one that had gotten sick. Blood work showed she was suffering from an unknown viral infection.

This had lasted for a couple of days, her condition getting no better but no worse until one night he woke to her fingers tracing over his neck, having fallen asleep next to her on her bed. He opened his eyes, his heart lurching with fear as hers glowed dimly at him through the darkness of the room. Her lips were soft, hesitant, testing waters as they pressed against his and when he raised his hand to hold her jaw, her skin was soft and dry, warm but not feverish. James knew he shouldn't, knew he would get in all kinds of trouble if anyone found out, but he surrendered to the feel of her lips moving against his.

They made love slowly, holding her close as she rode him, pressing kisses to her breasts as her hands curled in his hair and against his back. When she came, her short nails dug into his skin hard enough that he knew she left marks and she let him release inside of her, holding him tightly as he shuddered and shook, groaning into her skin.

He woke on the couch the next morning, fully dressed sans his boots and he was left wondering whether or not it had really happened, or if it had been another dream. James left while she was still asleep, she also dressed in her pajamas, heading back to his room. Those thoughts vanished, however, when he pulled his shirt off to shower, wincing as the skin on the back stretched and twinged. Turning, he looked in the mirror, seeing the crescent marks cutting into his skin.

Sarah acted no different towards him and he wasn't sure whether or not he should be hurt or relieved.

Then the Reapers attacked and everything was moving very fast. Once they had a clear objective, however, and he was stationed on the Normandy, she started pulling him aside or into empty rooms, pressing herself against him and kissing him, hands moving down his back to palm his ass, pulling him into her. He could still remember the feel of her skin against his, the way she felt wrapped around him, and he was all too happy to pick up where they left off.

They didn't keep their relationship a secret. Why should they? She was a Council Spectre, not technically a part of the Alliance Military anymore, so while he fought under her command, she wasn't his Commanding Officer.

She started vanishing for days a time in the Loft, no one, not even him, allowed entry. EDI kept every one out, locking down the Loft.

One night a shiver of fear and uneasiness crawled down his spine, driving him out of his seat in the mess and to the elevator. Something was wrong, he needed to get to her. The door was locked, the interface red, what sounded like a battle raging on the other side. His hand punched against the bulkhead as something crashed and broke. The door suddenly went green and slid open and a force slammed against his chest, driving the air from his lungs as he hit the deck, looking up at a giant golden wolf with clear green eyes staring down at him, lips drawn back in a snarl.

It relaxed, and its nose brushed along his chest and neck, sniffing him and taking in his scent. The wolf suddenly laid down on him, tucking its head under his chin and sighing. Very slowly, he wrapped his arms around it, a sense of ease and calm washing over him. At the touch of his hands, it licked him, lifting its head to look at him again, a look that was all too familiar passing over its eyes.

"Sarah?" He asked, and her head tucked under his chin again, large body deflating in a sigh. After a while, she got off him, letting him up off the floor and watched him from the bed as he picked up the mess that was the Loft. Ship models were shattered, some beyond repair, decorative pillows shredded, stuffing littering the floor. The same feeling as before skittered down his spine and he turned, seeing her laying there on the bed, nude, her muscles and bones still shifting and squirming under her skin.

"I'm sorry I never told you." She said and he made a small sound.

"I wouldn't have believed you if you had." James said honestly, going over to the bed and laying down next to her, wrapping her in his arms as she curled against his side.

"You're taking this very well." She said, looking up at him with her chin on his chest.

"I think I kind of already knew. I mean, I _suspected_ , this just kind of tied it all together for me." He said, "How'd this happen to you?"

"It's a long story."

"Are there more of…whatever you are?"

"As far as I know; no. I'm the only one."

"Those scratches you gave me. I'm not going to…"

"If you were going to, you would have already. I would never do this to you without your permission, never force this on you. Not like it was me." Sarah said, relaxing with her head on his chest and he was silent for a long while.

"What if I gave you my permission?" he asked and she picked her head up to look at him, scowling at him. "What if I asked you to…infect me? I don't want you to go through this alone, Sarah."

"We'll talk about it later. I'm tired." She said and he nodded. He went to get up but her hand tightened on his chest. "No. Please stay." James settled again, holding her in his arms as she drifted off to sleep.

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 **Let me know what you think!**


	2. Thrown to the Wolves

**I don't own Mass Effect**

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Weeks passed since that night in the Loft. It was one mission after another in their fight against the Reapers, to find allies to complete the Crucible. James quickly learned that he was the only member of the crew besides EDI and Dr. Chakwas to know about Sarah's condition. EDI had been unavoidable, Dr. Chakwas had been told by Miranda what they had done during the Lazarus Project…just in case. Garrus didn't know, Joker didn't know, Liara didn't even know, and she knew everything that went on with everyone.

They didn't talk about it outside her cabin, and she only left her cabin in her other form late at night. She couldn't be confined to the Loft, needed to wander the ship once she regained some sense of self after the initial change. The "Other" (as they've taken to calling her wolf form) was massive, easily a hundred-twenty pounds of muscle, taller than him by a head when on her hind legs. Her fur was the same dark gold as her hair, coarse yet still soft, and thick. She walked beside him as he went around the ship, breaking into an easy trot when they came to longer hallways. It was somewhat amusing when people joked to him that they were surprised the Commander let him bring his dog on board.

"I want you to change me." The words left him before he fully understood what he was saying and her head snapped up to look at him. "I want you to turn me into…what you are."

"Do you know what you're asking?" Sarah said and he nodded. "No, James, you don't."

"I'll be stronger, faster, more…"

"That's not a good reason for me to do this."

"I'll be able to protect you."

"I can protect myself."

"Sarah, you told me that you would never turn me without my permission. You have it. I _want_ you to do this. I'm _asking_ you to do this." He said and she looked away from him.

"I don't want to lose you to this."

"You handle it just fine."

"I have better impulse control." She said, giving him a small smile that lacked weight.

"You'll keep me here." James said and gave her a crooked smile, "Just like you stop me from doing stupid shit on missions." Getting up from his seat, he went to her, taking her hands and tugging her standing, looking down at her. "You don't have to be alone in this. Let me help you." Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck, going up on her toes as she pulled him into a kiss, his arms coming around her and holding her tight. Pulling away, he pressed his forehead to hers.

"I love you." She whispered and he kissed her again.

"I love you, too." James said and she nodded.

"Okay, I'll do it." She pulled away from him with a sigh, walking away a few paces as she stretched her shoulders and popped her neck before turning back to him. "Close your eyes." He did and he felt the same crawling feeling he always did as she shifted, the hair on the back of his neck raising. He steeled himself for whatever it was she was about to do. The silence of the room was pervasive, and his heart started pounding in his ears a little as he got the feeling that he was being hunted. It was everything he could do not to run. He asked for this.

There was a sudden sharp pain on his forearm and he jerked, his eyes opening again in time to see thick claws curling back under her fingernails, the Other fading from her eyes. Looking down at his arm, long scratches marred his skin, blood already starting to well. He's suffered worse working on machinery down in the shuttle bay, it probably wouldn't even scar.

"That's it?" He asked, "I mean, yeah ow, but that's it?"

"Were you expecting me to take a bite out of you?" Sarah asked, "I just needed to introduce my saliva directly into your blood stream. So I licked my nails and scratched you."

"Stings a bit, but it's more annoying than anything else." James said and she gave him a sympathetic look. "What?"

"Good thing we don't have anything planned today. It's going to be a rough next few hours."

After about an hour, he started flexing his forearm, shaking and clenching his hand, the scratches on his arm red and inflamed. He started pacing around the room after that, breathing heavily as he broke out into a sweat, but when she touched his forehead, his skin was cold.

Tears burned in her eyes as he curled up with his head in her lap, breathing ragged as his body fought against the infection she gave him. He shivered almost violently, pulling the blanket around himself as she moved him to the bed. Color drained from his skin, dark circles like bruises appearing under his eyes and she held him as he fell into a fitful sleep.

She snapped out of the heavy doze she had fallen into to the sound of flesh meeting canvas, opening her eyes to see him standing at the punching bag he had installed in her room. His shirt was gone, sweat gleaming on his skin as his fist hit the bag over and over again, the bag jerking and swaying.

"James?" She asked gently and he turned on her, his eyes wild as he stared at her. They moved over her, his lips parting as he took her in, the look in his eyes turning hungry.

"I need to go." He said suddenly, heading for the door.

"EDI lock down the Loft!" She called out and the interface went red before he got to it.

"Let me out, Sarah." he growled and she got out of bed, facing him.

"You're a danger right now, James. You're not going anywhere." He advanced on her, pushing her against the aquarium devoid of fish.

"Let me out." He snarled.

"No." She stood her ground, not even flinching as his fist connected with the thick glass next to her head, spiderweb cracks appearing on the surface.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"You have more faith in my control than I do." The intense, hungry look in his eyes as her looked down at her sparked something deep and she dragged a hand down his chest, nails catching and pulling at his skin. He shuddered, his eyes closing before he grabbed her wrist, holding it to the glass, his hand so tight around her wrist she knew she would have bruises.

James plucked at her t-shirt with his fingertips, his hands going to her waist, bunching the fabric in his hands. Grasping the neck, there was tearing sound as he ripped the shirt down the middle, his hands going to her breasts, squeezing and shaping them through the lace bra she wore.

His skin was feverish as her hands went to his shoulders, head falling back against the aquarium as he picked her up, burying his face between her breasts as she wrapped her legs around his waist. A low hiss left her lips as his teeth sank into the mound of her breast hard enough to bruise, hips surging into hers as if he were already inside her.

He wasn't gentle with her, not like she was with him with their first time, pinning her to the bed and getting inside her the moment her clothes were torn or pulled from her, while his pants were undone and pushed down only so much so he could free himself. Bites and bruises marred her skin, but she never complained, never asked him to stop or slow down, meeting him every step of the way. Teeth bit at his lips as he kissed her, nails raking down his arms and back as he thrust into her roughly.

His hands gripped her waist, leaving bruises on her hips as he pounded into her from behind, leaning over her and licking the salt from her skin. Sheets tore under her nails as she fisted her hands in them, her breathing ragged as her eyes rolled back into her head. Gathering her hair in his hand, he jerked her head to the side, baring her neck and shoulder to him as he felt his release coming fast, her inner muscles clenching around him so tightly he saw stars.

" _James. Oh god, yes. Please. Fuck._ " Her voice was breathy, her hips pushing back against him. Laying over her again, his teeth latched onto the curve of her shoulder as he snapped into her roughly, grunting with every push of his hips. The marks were red, already starting to bruise, perfect indents of his teeth in her skin and he gave a hoarse shout as he came, an arm around her waist keeping her to him as he released into her, his vision dimmed with the force. Sliding his hand between her legs, he rubbed at her with his fingertips fast and hard, tipping her over the edge, his eyes closing tight as she throbbed around him with a cry.

James almost collapsed next to her on the bed, the roaring in his veins lessening to a negligible hum, chest heaving as the fog lifted from his mind. He looked over at her as she stretched out next to him. His eyes immediately went to the marks he left on her, the fingertip bruises that were already forming, the bite marks marring the skin on her back and neck.

" _Dios_ , what did I do to you?" He said, horror and shame at what he _had_ done hitting him strong. "Oh, fuck, Sarah I'm so sorry." His hand hovered over her skin as if he was afraid to touch her, afraid he was going to hurt her again.

"Hey, look at me." Her fingers on his face turned his attention away from the marks on her skin, looking into her eyes as she moved closer to him, but he caught the look of pain that crossed over her features as she used sore muscles. "It won't always be like this, but don't you dare apologize."

"I _hurt_ you. I _used_ you." James said, disgusted with himself.

"You didn't do anything I didn't want you to do." She said and her lips pressed against his in a soft kiss. James kicked his pants off the rest of the way before pulling her into his arms, his lips going to the bite mark on her breast, kissing it gently before he turned his attention to the others, hands massaging sore limbs.

"I'm so sorry." He said again, his cheek pressed to her skin.

"And I said don't apologize. I knew what I was getting into when I chose you for a mate." Sarah said, her fingers moving through his hair. "And like I said, it won't always be like this. I don't exactly have a lot to go on, but I guess the initial claiming is intense."

"Claiming?" James asked, picking his head up to look at her.

"Probably should have warned you: wolves mate for life." She said and shrugged. "There's no getting rid of me now." James kissed her, holding her tightly. "I can't wait to see your Other, I bet you're beautiful."

"Why haven't I…you know…changed yet?"

"Sex or violence can push it away for a short time." Sarah said with another shrug. "Get some rest, I'll guide you through it when you wake up."

"I love you." He whispered, curling around her and closing his eyes.

"I love you too, my mate."

* * *

 **Let me know what you think!**


	3. Leading the Pack

James laid in the medbay, pain that had nothing to do with his injuries tearing through his chest. He left her. He _fucking left her._ The Other demanded to be let free, furious that they had left their mate behind in a warzone while he fled to lick his wounds. It wasn't that simple, he _knew_ it wasn't that simple. He would have been no good to her injured and she had _sent_ him away, shoving him into Garrus and telling them to leave, to get off Earth as quickly as possible.

He had objected, _of course_ he had objected with every fibre of his being, the need to stay with her, his leader, his _mate_ , overriding all common sense and blocking out any pain he was in. She hadn't given him any choice, silencing him with trembling kiss, letting her Other bleed into her eyes as she looked at him and he knew it then. She was saying goodbye. Taking a few faltering steps back, she had continued to stare at him with those eyes before she turned and ran, moving way too quickly and too fluidly to be natural. He had half expected her to rip off her armor and shift right there, they were long past caring if anyone knew at that point. He doubted anyone would have noticed, anyway.

A faint shudder was the only forewarning they had before the Normandy suddenly bucked, alarms screaming as they suddenly decelerated, the hull screaming from conflicting inertial forces. Explosions rocked the ship and the acrid smell of electrical fire smoke filled the air before the fire suppression systems activated. The primary lighting failed and the emergency lights flashed, casting eerie shadows through the gloom.

When Karin moved away from him to go see what had happened, James got up, the muscles of his leg still squirming as they healed. It was sore as he put weight on it, but held.

"Lieutenant, what are you doing?" Karin demanded.

"I'm fine, Doc."

"You had a _Mako_ land on you, Lieutenant. Medigel can only do so much, it may have taken the pain away, but you're _not_ fine. Shattered femur, broken hip, several broken–" She stopped as he laid his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm _fine."_ He said and she stared at him for a moment.

"When?'

"A few months back." James said and she sighed.

"I really rather wish she would have told me beforehand." Karin said and moved aside, letting him go to the comms.

"Joker, what's happening?"

"Hell if I know, Lieutenant!" He sounded stressed, panicked. "We were kicked out of the damn relay! Primary systems are barely functional, I'm surprised we aren't floating right now!"

"Is that even possible?"

"Apparently! EDI, what's our–!" There was a pause, "EDI?" Fear and hesitation had filled his voice and James shut down the channel. He walked with a bit of a limp as he made his way to the AI Core, but as the door slid open he was met with only floor lighting, the AI Core dark, not even a flicker from the processors. He wasn't a tech guy, but he had a feeling that EDI was gone. Sorry, Joker.

Pressing a finger to his ear comm, he opened up a ship wide channel.

"Roll Call and Status!" James called out, "Garrus Vakarian!"

"Vakarian!" Garrus called back, having gotten used to the human military custom of repeating his last name for roll. "There was a sympathetic fire of the canon and the core is cracked, but I'm rerouting power and shutting it down!"

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy!"

"Tali'Zorah, present! As are Engineer Adams and Ken and Gabby! They're a little busy at the moment!" Tali called through the comms. "The drive core took some damage, but thanks to the upgrades there was no bleed!"

"Specialist Samantha Traynor!"

"Traynor! The CIC is a bit of a mess right now, but we're handling it!"

"Major Kaidan Alenko!"

There was silence.

"Major Kaidan Alenko!" He repeated himself but was met with silence. "L2, sound off!" Nothing but dead air. With a growl, he hobbled from the medbay, meeting Garrus as he came from the forward battery.

"Didn't a Mako land on you?" Garrus asked, looking him over.

"I got better." he said shortly. "Doctor Liara T'Soni!" he called into his comms.

"I'm here!" Liara called, though it was filled with static. "I'm attempting to find Kaidan's location through his omni-tool. According to Glyph, he's in the shuttle bay!"

"Elevator is down, we're taking the long way." James said and Liara met them as they went into the AI Core, opening the hatch in the floor and descending into the darkness.

—

The shuttle bay was a mess and he spared a glance at his ruined station, the cargo crates that had previously acted as walls toppled over into the area.

"Major!" He called out as they worked their way through the wreckage.

"Kaidan!" Garrus and Liara joined in the search, Liara providing extra light with her biotics. James threw wreckage aside with little effort, not failing to notice the looks they were giving him as he picked up objects that he shouldn't have been able to, despite his size. To their credit, they didn't say anything, focusing on finding Kaidan. Glyph appeared at some point, acting as a recon and exploration probe, scanning areas and attempting to pinpoint Kaidan's location. The longer he was unresponsive to their calls, however, the more dire the situation became and the more important it became that they find him.

"Doctor T'Soni." Glyph said, "I believe I have found Major Alenko." They followed him, climbing over cargo containers to an area that had taken more damage than the rest.

Giving a growl, James lifted a beam with considerable effort, hauling it aside. Blue and white armor was cracked and broken, collapsed in places, blood very red against the plates.

"Oh, Goddess." Liara gasped, "Kaidan!"

—

They stood outside the medbay as Karin worked on him, stripped of his armor. He was alive, though barely. With every passing moment, and with every scan, they watched as her shoulders collapsed more before finally she covered him up to his chest.

"Well?" James asked as she came out of the medbay.

"I managed to repair what I could with medigel and what tools I have here." Karin said. "He was hemorrhaging into his brain, but I did manage to stop it."

"That's–that's good, yes?" Samantha asked and she gave her a sad look.

"He has extensive internal injuries, his implant is just about crushed so I've removed it. Without getting him to a proper medical facility and soon…" Karin said.

"Joker said we are somewhere between relays," Liara said, "Communications are down and EDI is unresponsive. It will take time to reach any civilized world, longer for one with a suitable hospital."

"Then unfortunately, the only thing I can do is…make him comfortable." Karin said.

"How long does he have?" James asked.

"Not long, a few hours at most." Karin said.

"Is he in pain?" Liara asked softly.

"I would imagine so, but he doesn't feel it. I've placed him a medically induced coma, he will pass in his sleep." Karin said, "I've already said my goodbyes, you should all do so as well."

James stayed outside the medbay as they went in one by one, saying goodbye to their friend and comrade. He watched as Garrus held a crying Tali, one of her hands wrapped around Kaidan's on the bed. He knew the three had history, having known each other for years, their friendship deep. Garrus spared him a look as he took Tali to the forward battery, his arm around her shoulders. Pushing away from the island in the mess, he went into the medbay. He hadn't known Kaidan all that long, only having met him right before the Reapers attacked Earth, but he knew Sarah cared for him deeply. This was going to destroy her. If she was even still alive. _No,_ he couldn't think like that. She was alive, he'd _know_ if she wasn't.

"Damnit, Kaidan." He whispered, "She's going to have my hide for this, but I think she'd rather you be alive." With a deep breath, he let the Other fill him, push to the surface just a little bit and a shiver ran down his spine as warmth flooded his system. His senses became sharper, the smell of antiseptic bitter in his nose. He could hear the hum of the engines, hear Liara sobbing quietly in her office.

There was a tugging under his fingernails and he looked down at his hand as thick, yellowed claws pushed themselves out from underneath. After looking around to make sure he didn't have an observer, he licked his claws and quickly dragged them down Kaidan's forearm. The skin split, blood welling to the surface and he resisted the urge to clean it from his nails. It had been enough for him to become infected, but he didn't know if would be enough for Kaidan, especially in his weakened state. Looking around again, he bent quickly and ran his tongue over the claw marks, the sweet metallic taste of blood flooding his mouth. They instantly became reddened and inflamed and Kaidan's hand clenched on top of the sheets. His breathing quickened and an alarm sounded as his heart monitor went crazy.

Karin can rushing into the room, going to the monitors and checking them over as James took a few steps back. He watched as she froze, seeing the marks on his arm and slowly turned her head up to look at him.

"What in gods name did you do?" Karin demanded, rage filling her eyes and her shoulders tightening.

"Saved his life." James said simply, meeting her stare with one of his own, knowing the Other was still looking out.

"How _dare_ you. You know how Sarah feels about consent when it comes to this, how _dare_ you force this on him."

"I would think he'd rather be alive, don't you?"

"We'll never know now, will we? You _took_ that choice from him. You _forced_ it on him."

"I couldn't exactly ask." James said, his jaw clenching.

"You should have told me your plans so–"

"So, what? So you could tell me not to? Order me to let him die when I could save his damn life? No, Steve already lost one man he loved, he was _not_ going to lose another."

"Don't you _dare_ make excuses. You didn't do this for Lieutenant Cortez, you turned Kaidan into a _monster_ –"

"He is _not_ a monster, neither is Sarah and neither am I."

"That's debatable." Karin said and the words hung in the air, "Get out of my medbay. Now." They stared at each other for a moment, the Other snarling in his mind before he turned and walked out, leaving her to tend to Kaidan.


	4. Leading the Pack pt 2

**I don't own Mass Effect**

* * *

James was the first person contacted when Kaidan regained consciousness. On his own, apparently. His new metabolism had burned through whatever Karin had given him to keep him under. She was terse when she called him up to the medbay. They had managed to get the elevator working again and James had been down in the shuttle bay cleaning up the mess with the help of Garrus and few others.

As he rounded the corner, he noticed that Karin had turned the opacity of the medbay windows to full, the glass now a frosty white, completely blocking the view into the room. The door opened as he approached it and his eyes automatically went to Kaidan sitting up in the hospital bed.

"Hey, James." Kaidan said with a crooked smile.

"Hey, _vato_ , how you feeling?" James asked as he closed the door.

"Not bad. Karin told me I uh…almost died?" Kaidan asked.

"You got banged up a little, yeah, but it looks like you're good now."

"For God's sake, Lieutenant." Karin said with a angry sigh, "You tell him before I do."

"Tell me what?" Kaidan asked, looking back and forth between the two. "What's going on? Is it Steve? Sarah? Are they okay? Have we heard from Earth?"

"I'm gonna need the room, Dr. Chakwas." James said and she pushed away from the cabinet she had been leaning against.

"Don't break anything." She said on her way out, the door closing behind her.

"James?" Kaidan asked when she was gone.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry." James said.

"For what?"

"The next few hours are going to suck for you."

It took about an hour for the shivers to start, but they became increasingly violent until he was almost seizing. James found extra blankets and covered him up the best he could, his skin scorching to the touch. Kaidan had grabbed his hand when he moved away and James let him hold it with almost crushing strength.

He barely remembered his own change, the whole ordeal lost in a fevered haze, but seeing it with Kaidan brought back the phantom pains of his muscles tearing and knitting as he was rewritten, remade. Joints popped and realigned, limbs stiffening as bones became stronger.

James ended up holding him, giving him the comfort of a packmate. A crawling feeling slid down his spine as Kaidan looked at him, his Other staring out from behind his eyes, the color of them brighter, almost pure gold.

" _Vato…"_

The glass shattered as James was thrown through it, connecting with the island in the mess hall hard and hitting the floor. He shook his head to clear his vision as he pushed himself up, feeling blood run down his skin from many different cuts. He looked up as Kaidan hopped over the ruined windowsill, the glass not bothering him as it dug into his bare feet.

"Oh, Goddess!" Liara gasped, coming out of her office at the commotion. "Kaidan!"

"Stay back!" James ordered as Kaidan's eyes flicked to her, the look turning predatory. "That's not Kaidan, not fully." Wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand, he felt his Other fill him, his lips pulling in a smile that was all sharp teeth. "Okay, dog-boy, let's do this."

The two men came together with bone breaking strength, Kaidan's shoulder dug into into James's stomach as he tried to tackle him to the floor, but James was larger and heavier so he dug in, slamming his elbow down onto his back as his knee came up into his ribs.

They beat each other as if they were trying to kill, not holding back for fear of hurting the other. Blood flew as they each landed hits and James kept it contained to just outside the medbay, knocking Kaidan back and steering him when he tried to leave the galley. He kept an eye out for the change, snapping him out of it with a hit or a punch, turning his focus away from the Other trying to break free. They attracted a crowd that was (rightfully) keeping back, not interfering.

"Kaidan!" James snapped with a growl as he pinned him beneath him, arm cross his throat. "I know you're in there! You need to focus!" He saw a flicker, a brief moment of clarity before it vanished. Kaidan's feet came up, digging into his stomach and James was flung back into the medbay, landing with a crash but not coming back out again.

The Other ripped from Kaidan's body with a shout and the gathered crew backed up as the far larger than natural black wolf stalked towards them, teeth drawn back in a snarl, saliva dripping from it's canines. It suddenly stopped, it's ears perking right before another one came barreling out of the medbay, connecting with it and sending it to the floor. This one was monstrous in size, almost prehistoric and the two wolves connected in a clash of claws and teeth.

The larger black wolf pinned the smaller to the floor, roaring in its face, the sound echoing through the ship. The smaller suddenly went still and limp in surrender and the men shifted back at the same time, fur retreating and bodies reforming. James had his arm to Kaidan's throat again, his knee to his stomach. Both men were nude, covered in sweat and blood, muscles tensed and breathing heavily.

"You good now?" James asked, his jaw clenched.

"Yeah, I'm good." Kaidan said, panting to catch his breath.

" _Keelah…"_ They both looked over at their audience, seeing the wide eyes and James got off him, helping him to his feet.

"I'm gonna explain." James said, "But first, we need to get cleaned up."

"And clothed." Kaidan added as he covered himself in his hands, suddenly modest as he stood there as nude as the day he born in front of most of the crew, a deep red blush coming over his face and neck.

"And clothed." James echoed, putting his hands on his hips, not modest, but not looking at anyone either.

—

"So, you're werewolves?" Samantha asked as they all sat at the table in the mess. James and Kaidan were clean and clothed, their hair still wet from their separate showers. James had gone up into the Loft while Kaidan had used the crew showers. Non-essential personnel were back at their stations assessing the damage from being kicked from the relay, but the conversation was being broadcast over omnitools.

"Werewolves?" The non human crew members asked in unison.

"Earth mythology, people who change into wolves on the full moon." She explained briefly. "They're _supposed_ to be pure myth, but…"

"Nah." James said with a shrug. "As far as I can tell, we're not bound by any…lunar cycle. Kind of hard to be, out in space. More…I don't know, shapeshifters, I guess."

"How?" Liara asked.

"It's um…complicated." James said.

"It was Cerberus." Karin chimed in. "Commander Shepard was the first."

"Wait, _Sarah_ is like this?" Kaidan asked.

"You guys never noticed there was something different about her?" James asked, "I mean, you all knew her from before and you never noticed anything?"

"Figured it was just because she died and came back." Garrus said with a shrug. "Honestly, we were all just glad she _was_ back."

"Go back to it being because of Cerberus." Kaidan said, "Explain?"

"The Lazarus Project." Karin said, taking a breath. "Long story short it was working _too_ well. She was coming back, all right, but it was killing her. From Miranda Lawson's notes, it was stated that she kept going into shock, cardiac arrest, having strokes. The human body wasn't _supposed_ to be brought back from the state she was in. Coming back to life was going to kill her. I don't know where they found it, and I don't want to know, but they had a single DNA strand from a long extinct unknown race rumored to have incredibly regenerative abilities. They only had one shot at this, but they took it, splicing the strand in with Shepard's and letting it…do it's thing, basically. And it worked. She healed in record time, taking months, perhaps _years_ off her recovery. She never showed symptoms of…this," she waved her hand vaguely in James and Kaidan's direction, "While we were working with Cerberus, my guess is she became symptomatic during her incarceration."

"Yep." James said with a nod, "Scared the hell out of every one when she suddenly came down with a hundred and three degree fever and the shakes. We thought she had been poisoned, but no one else was getting sick."

"That explains her." Kaidan said, "What about you?"

"She Turned me."

"Why?" Garrus asked.

"Because I asked." James said, "She was only one, the only one in the entire galaxy. I didn't want her to go through that alone, so I asked her to Turn me and she did. That was a few months ago."

"So how many are there, now?" Liara asked, "Is anyone else like this?"

"You mean did she Turn anyone else?" James asked and she nodded. "No." He said with a shake of his head. "She Turned me, and I Turned Kaidan to save his life. There is now a grand total of three of us in the whole galaxy."

"Talk about an endangered species." Garrus said.

"Thank you, by the way." Kaidan said, looking down at his hands on the tabletop. "I never thanked you for saving me."

"Don't worry about it, _hermano ._ " James said as he leaned against the back of the booth, "You would've done the same for me." he said and paused, "At least, I would _hope_ you would have."

"Or have Sarah lose you like Steve almost lost me?" Kaidan said and gave a humorless snort, "In a heartbeat, brother."

"Very touching." Karin said, "Truly. Now that the brotherly bonding is out of the way, you two can _clean up the mess you made in my medbay!"_

* * *

 **Let me know what you think!**


	5. Reclamation

**I don't own Mass Effect**

* * *

The repairs to the Normandy went slowly, but steadily. As technically disinclined as James was, he was right in his assessment. EDI was gone. Joker stopped talking to just about everyone, barely leaving the bridge, EDI's platform moved to the AI Core so it wouldn't be constant reminder.

The first Reaper they saw had been a shock to everyone. It had just been floating there out in the void, intact but lifeless. Joker flew them past it at a steady speed and they all held their breath, as if expecting it to come back to life and destroy them. They found more of all sizes and they were each the same as the last, dark and still. Joker ran scans, but found absolutely no power signatures. They were, for lack of another term, dead. All of them.

Food stores were starting to come in short supply, especially the dextro rations for Tali and Garrus.

The rest of the crew were understandably wary around James and Kaidan, especially after the fight in front of the medbay. Liara found it fascinating, as did Tali. The Asari started having nightmares of what she had seen during the battle on London, and Kaidan had started curling up with her in wolf form for comfort.

* * *

"I think we should Turn Liara, or at least think about it." Kaidan said, "She's been asking about what it's like so she might be interested in it."

"No." James's tone was very final.

"Why?" He looked at him then at the question of his word. They had established pack hierarchy pretty quickly after their fight. James may be the lower ranking officer, but he was higher up in this ranking.

"Two reasons. One, Sarah is going to flip at _you_ being Turned, and two, Liara isn't human, it might just flat out kill her." James said and Kaidan sighed, scrubbing a hand over face. " _Vato_ , I get it. I know the feeling of wanting to make more. You can't have a pack of two people and no matter what we are now, we're pack animals. I went to Sarah about possibly Turning Scars if he would be interested, but she gave me the same reason I gave you. He's not human, we don't know what would happen."

"I miss Steve." He said suddenly and James went over to him, laying his hands on his shoulders.

"And I miss Sarah." He admitted, "We'll get back to Earth and they'll be waiting for us, _hermano_."

 _"Hey guys?"_

"Yeah, Joker?" James responded.

 _"We got a working comm buoy out here."_

"Patch us in and see if you can get a channel open to a command center on Earth, we'll get to the comm room." Kaidan said and they left the shuttle bay, heading to the vid comm in the barely working war room.

They could hear Joker attempting to get someone on the line as they went into the room, announcing them several times.

"This is the Alliance vessel Normandy to _anyone_ who might be hearing this. Please respond." The vid comm stayed dark as he kept trying until it suddenly lit up, a familiar form taking up the view.

"Admiral Anderson!" Kaidan exclaimed.

"Major Alenko! Lieutenant Vega!" The wide smile split the Admiral's face and he gave a pleased laugh. "Oh, boys, you have no idea how good it is to see you two."

"Good to see you too, Sir." James said, "How are things there?"

"Reconstruction is going slow, but it's progressing. She did it, she killed them all." David said, "Every damn Reaper is dead."

"Yeah, we know." Kaidan said, "We've already come across a few, scared the hell out of us. What're you guys doing with them?"

"From Commander Shepard's Cerberus reports, even a dead Reaper can indoctrinate, so we've been dropping them to the bottom of the Marianas Trench." Anderson said with a shrug, "Letting ocean pressure crush them down. Oh, Major Alenko, there's someone here who I think would want to speak with you." He looked off to the side, "Commander Cortez!"

A wide smile pulled at Kaidan's lips as Steve entered the vid feed, dressed in an Alliance uniform, Officers bars on his shoulders.

"Kaidan! James!" he exclaimed with a laugh.

" _Commander_ Cortez?" James asked, "Nice going, Esteban!"

"There's promotions to go around when you guys get back." Steve said, "Nice beards, by the way." Kadian scratched at the dark, thick scruff growing on his jaw with an embarrassed smile.

"It's the first thing to go, trust me." Kaidan said.

"I don't know, I kind of like it." Steve said, "Though it _is_ a little Wolfman." James and Kaidan shared a quick look, both fighting back laughter. "What? What I say?"

"Nothing, Esteban." James said with a chuckle, shaking his head. "Steve, I have to ask. Is Sarah there?" The mood suddenly sobered, all joking and laughter leaving as Steve gave him a look. "Steve? Where's Sarah?"

"Admiral, do you-" Steve asked, turning to Anderson.

"You should. I'll give you boys some privacy." David left the feed.

"Man, don't tell me-"

"She's been declared KIA following the destruction of the Citadel." Steve said, "James, I'm sorry."

"Don't you fucking tell me that." James growled out, shrugging off Kaidan's hand as it laid on his shoulder. He turned his back on the feed, breathing heavily as he fought to stay in control. "Did you bury her?" He asked, not turning back around.

"There's no um...there's nothing to bury. We found her tags in the wreckage, pieces of armor, but no...no remains." Steve said and they was silence. "How far out are you guys?"

"A couple weeks." Kaidan said, "I think."

"The Admiral will keep the fanfare to a minimum, figure you guys will be too tired to want to deal with that." Steve said and Kaidan nodded.

"Thanks." He said, "We'll...we'll see you then."

"Yeah, see you then." Steve said, "Kaidan, I love you."

"I love you, too." Kaidan said with a small smile.

"James, again, I'm sorry." He didn't say anything, keeping his back to the terminal. The feed went dark and Kaidan went to him.

"James, we don't know that she's..." Kaidan said but stopped when James raised his hand.

"Save it, Kaidan." He said and walked from the room, "I need to be alone."

Kaidan was down in the shuttle bay when he _felt_ it before he heard it. A long howl, deep and mournful, full of pain and loss. The sound cut deep, tears springing to his eyes and he took the elevator to the Loft, finding James in his other form curled up on the floor, whining softly. A holo of him and Sarah was on the floor next to him, as was one of her hoodies. The sounds he made were ones of an animal in pain, though Kaidan knew he wasn't injured, not physically.

"James?" The wolf picked his head up and Kaidan shed his skin, going over and laying pressed against him, nose buried in the thick ruff around his neck.

The Admiral managed to keep the press to an absolute minimum when the Normandy docked in London. A medical team was standing by, but Kaidan and James shrugged them off, telling them to focus on the other crew members. He left Kaidan and Steve to reunite, going over to Admiral Anderson when he beckoned him, giving him a salute.

"Admiral." He said and David held his hand out. James took it in a shake, cool metal pressing into his palm and David gave him a sad smile before moving off to greet the rest of the returning crew. He looked down in his palm, turning the N7 dogtags over his fingers, thumb running over the engraving of her name and rank.

He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, knowing full well he was being watched. Putting the chain around his neck, he tucked it under his shirt so the tags laid against his chest along with his own, making a mental note to combine them later when he was alone. His skin itched as he fought the urge to shift, wanting to retreat into the Other as he has been doing the past couple weeks, spending more time in that form than in his natural. He would later, maybe take a shuttle out to the countryside and go for a run. He just wanted to be alone.

James had told Kaidan before they docked that it was up to him whether or not he told Steve, and how much he told him. Looking over, he saw the two men embraced, their eyes closed as they held each other. A pang of longing and loss hit him hard and he gave another shaky sigh, looking away from them. Fuck, he couldn't do this right now.

"Lieutenant Vega?" He snapped out of his thoughts as Anderson came over to him again. "Why don't you get out of here, son? I can have a car take you to headquarters so you can get some rest."

"I'm fine, Admiral." James said but Anderson gave him a look.

"You're a lot of things, Lieutenant, but "fine" isn't one of them. I know about you and Sarah, so this can't be easy for you." David said.

"Admiral..."

"Do I really have to give you an order?" There was a pause.

"No, Sir."

"Good." David said, "I'll have a car here in a few minutes. Go sit down and I'll keep the reporters off you."

"Yes, Sir." James said and moved away from him, going to find a seat away from the group.

He looked out the window as the streets and buildings flew past, barely seeing anything. The tags were heavy against his skin and he sighed, leaning against the back of the seat.

"Corporal?" He asked and the driver looked at him.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"You mind if we take the scenic route?"

"The Admiral said-"

"We'll get there, let's just take the long way." He said and the Corporal paused for a moment.

"O-okay." He said and steered the car off the main roads. Buildings came further and further apart, inter-spaced with trees and fields.

"Hey, pull over here. I need some air."

"Lieutenant?"

"It's okay, kid. Just pull over." James said and the car landed just off to the side, the door swinging up as he got out.

Kaidan looked over at a sudden exclamation.

"What do you mean he's gone?!" Anderson yelled, "Where did he go?!"

 _"I-I-I-I don't know, Sir!"_ The voice coming over the omni-tool was scared, panicked, and young sounding. _"He-he-he said he needed some air and just took off! I didn't know someone his size could move that fast!"_

"Shit." Kaidan ground out.

"Kaidan?" Steve asked, "Is everything...James is gone, isn't he."

"I should have gone with him back to headquarters." Kaidan said and they went over to the Admiral as he closed the channel.

"We have a problem." Anderson said.

"I heard. James took off?"

"Yes, he did, but he left his sidearm behind so there's something."

"James wouldn't," Steve said with a shake of his head, "As low as I've seen him, and I've seen him just about rock bottom after Fehl Prime, he would never... we have to find him."

The ground pounded under his paws as he ran, clothes and tags tucked away safe for him to find later. His breathing was ragged in his lungs and he pushed himself faster, harder, hearing the other animals in the forest scurry to get out of his way. He wasn't interested in them, though his stomach burned with hunger. James dodged around trees and leapt over logs, smells rushing through his nose. Being on a ship was one thing, being out in the wild like this was something else _entirely_.

It would be so easy to just remain like this forever, to never go back. Kaidan would be fine without him, might even form his own pack one day with Steve. By now the Corporal would have reported him running off and they were probably organizing a search, and he wondered if Kaidan would tell them to look for a giant black wolf instead of a man.

He ran for what seemed like hours, the sun setting and the air becoming cold, the smells sharper. Memories passed over his eyes; curling up with her in the lounge or Loft either in this form or their natural, waking up with his arms around her, the smell of her hair or fur, the feel of her skin against his. Tears blurred his vision and shook his head, pushing faster. He came to a field and he was able to run flat out, muscles burning with fatigue. Stopping, he nearly collapsed in the grass before throwing his head back and howling, the sound making the birds in the trees take flight.

He needed to head back. He knew he should head back.

He took it at a slower pace, knowing he had covered miles, but he got back to where he had stashed his clothes as the sun started to peak over the horizon.

James wasn't surprised to see Kaidan waiting there for him, a travel mug in his hands.

"Have fun scaring the shit out of us?" He asked as James shifted back, going to his clothes and shaking them free of dirt and debris before pulling them on. His hand tightened around her tags before he slipped the chains around his neck again, tucking them under his shirt, the metal cold against his skin. "Anderson is checking hospitals and bars in the nearest town, I tracked your scent here."

"That for me?" James asked, moving his head at the mug in his hands.

"No, this is mine, you don't deserve coffee for what you put us through all night." He said, "I told Steve."

"How'd he take it?"

"Didn't believe me until I shifted in front of him. He's waiting in the car. Just as pissed at you as I am." Kaidan said and James moved around him, heading for the road. "Selfish son of a bitch."

"What was that?" James asked, turning back around to face him.

"You heard me. You're a _selfish son of a bitch."_ Kaidan said, "Acting like you're the only one hurting, only one who's mourning her. You might have had her now, but I had her before. I loved her, but you made her happy and she loved you. I have Steve now, and I love him, but I will _always_ love Sarah."

"She wasn't my _girlfriend_ , Kaidan." James said, "She was my _mate_. Wolves mate for _life_ , and she was _mine_. Do you understand that? She was my other half and now she's gone. It would be like if you lost Steve."

"Don't you even-"

"Exactly." James said, "I feel like...there's some part of me missing."

"Like a limbs been lopped off." Kaidan said, "There's this gaping hole where she used to be, that's more like wound that hurts constantly."

"Yeah."

"I know the feeling. I lived it for two _years."_

"But you got her back. She came back. She's not coming back this time." His voice broke as tears streamed down his face. "She's gone and she's not coming back and I feel like I can't breathe." The mug was dropped to the ground as Kaidan pulled him into his arms, holding him as he finally let himself feel the pain and grief he had pushing away. He held him until the tears stopped and the raking sobs that shook his chest stilled. "I'm tired, Kaidan." He said as he pulled away.

"Let's get you back to headquarters so you can get some rest. Don't know what we're going to tell Anderson." Kaidan said as he picked up the mug, dumping the cold coffee out on the ground.

"Tell him...tell him I went for a run. Clear my head." James said and Kaidan nodded. They left the forest together, Steve not saying anything as they got in the car, and James stretched out the best he was able on the back seat, eyes closing as Steve piloted them back towards the main city.


	6. Ghosts

**I don't own Mass Effect**

* * *

James slept for most of the day, he and Kaidan staying with Steve in off base housing while the rest of the crew stayed at the headquarters barracks. He heard Anderson come over around midday, and even though they kept their voices low, he still heard them talking.

 _"Where was he all night, Major?"_

 _"Out for a run to clear his head. Is he going to get in trouble for this?"_ Kaidan asked and there was a sigh.

 _"After the shit you all have been through? No, we understand. Rest of the brass might insist on psyche evals, though, but those can wait. Consider this shore leave for as long as you need it. You're all damn heroes in our books."_

 _"Anything we need to do?"  
_

 _"Press wants interviews, hear your accounts of the battle and what happened afterwards, I already gave my bit, but they want yours. You and the Lieutenant were on the ground with her along with Vakarian."  
_

 _"That all?"  
_

 _"They might ask him about his relationship with Sarah, it somehow got around that they were involved. Fluff pieces, talking to the man who was with her in her last days, asking what she was like in the downtime."  
_

 _"He's not going to go for that."_ Kaidan said, _"I'm not saying he'll punch a reporter, but he might walk out of the interview."_

 _"Small blessings."_ Anderson said and sighed, _"I leave you boys to rest, keep me appraised of his status."_

 _"Will do. Admiral."_

 _"Major."_ James heard him leave and turned over onto his back. He didn't want to talk to some reporter about Sarah. They didn't want to know the truth, how she was caring and thoughtful, warm and open. They wanted to know she was brave and stoic, that she never had moments of doubt or fear when there were a few times when he held her through just those moments. They didn't want to know about the person, they wanted to know about the icon. Picking her tags off his chest, he rubbed his thumb over the ridges in the metal. It was starting to become almost like a worry stone for him, but if he wasn't careful, he'd wear away her name.

His chest burned and he scrubbed a hand over his face, rolling back over onto his stomach.

He didn't remember falling back to sleep, but he must have because when he woke with a shiver, it was night time and the house was quiet. Cold night air came in through the window and he shivered again as he got up to close it. Steve or Kaidan must have come in to open it, but he didn't remember.

James froze as he turned to go back to bed, heart pounding in his chest as he saw her standing there wearing one of his shirts, the hem hitting her mid thigh, her feet and legs bare.

"Hey." She said, running her fingers through her hair. A small sound of surprise left her lips as he took her in his arms, holding her like she might vanish. She smelled like trees and earth and open air, and her skin was cool as she clung to him. She felt smaller than he remembered and when he pulled back to look at her, her face was thinner.

Her eyes closed as he kissed her, his fingers gathering the hem of the shirt and her arms raised as he removed it. He stopped when he saw her, seeing the jagged scars that marred one side of her body from neck to hip, both slashes and burns, the skin puckered and warped. She went to move away from him but he pulled her back, his head lowering as he pressed his lips to her scarred shoulder, fingers running over the dips and ridges in her skin.

James didn't know if he was dreaming, if his mind was simply filling in the blanks, or if she was really here. In this moment, he didn't care. She was here, she was in his arms, and she was his. Please let this be real.

Picking her up, he laid her down on the bed, moving over her and capturing her lips in a kiss, her hand coming up to touch his face. Fingertips traced down her body and she arched into his touch, gasping as he pressed an open mouth kiss to her neck, sucking on her skin and marking her. Her hands felt amazing on his bare shoulders, one sliding up to weave into his hair. His Mohawk was a little out of control, but he would take the clippers to it tomorrow.

She tasted just as he remembered as the tip of his tongue traced over her collarbone. Her nails scratched against his scalp as he took the peak of one breast between his lips, lavishing it with attention before going to the other.

"James." She whimpered, "It's been so long, please." He ignored her, reacquainting himself with her body, moving down her writhing form, pressing hot kisses to her skin. The feel of her under him again, her scent, it was making his head spin and his heart soar. He looked up at her from between her legs as she suddenly giggled.

"What?" He asked, his lips pulling in a grin.

"Your beard tickles." She said, her eyes dancing, and he rubbed his cheek against her inner thigh, her giggles cutting off with a gasp as he pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin. He felt her fingers in his hair as he put her legs over his shoulders, and her hips bucked into his mouth as he tasted her, tongue moving through her slick folds. He fed on her, lips and tongue moving against her as he drank her in, finding the nub at the apex and sucking on it, her hand going to her mouth to stifle her moans as her back arched, hips churning. She was tight when he slid a finger into her, pumping slowly as he pushed his sweatpants down his hips. His name fell in a litany from her lips as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge. She went tense but he pulled away right before she went over, earning him a glare that made him chuckle.

Going to his knees, he pushed his pants the rest of the way down, laying over her and kissing her again as he kicked them off. Her tongue was hot velvet as it slid against his, her legs wrapping around his waist as he knelt between them again. Pressing his forehead to hers, he looked into her eyes when he sank into her, going to his forearms on the bed as his hips rocked leisurely, face burying in her neck. His eyes burned with tears as he made love to her and when he looked at her, he saw how they swam in hers as well. Please, if there is a god, let this be real.

She sobbed against his lips as he kissed her and when his eyes opened again, he saw her Other staring out at him, his coming forward almost as if it had been called. Cradling the back of her neck in his hand, he kissed her deeply again as the rhythm of his hips changed but was no less passionate, hers starting to move against him, meeting his thrusts with her own. James panted against her lips, sweat rolling down his back, holding her as she arched and moved against him. She went rigid, arching against him when she came, inner muscles throbbing around him as she sobbed his name. His hips snapped into her a few more times, burying himself in her to the base as he tipped over the edge of his release, spilling inside her.

They laid there for a long while, their breathing loud in the silence. He didn't want to let her go, terrified she would vanish like smoke. He held her tight as he turned onto his back, her head on his chest, fingertips drawing circles into his skin. Her fingers moved over the double set of dog tags and she pressed a kiss to one of his tattoos.

James was almost afraid to go back to sleep, even though fatigue weighed heavily on him. He was afraid that if he did, he would wake and she would be gone, that none of this had happened. His fingers ran up and down the scarring on her side as her breathing evened out and he looked down at her asleep against him. His eyes were heavy and he blinked hard to stay awake, but he was unable to and drifted off to sleep.

—

He woke holding her tightly, unwilling to let go of her even in his sleep, his arm wrapped around her waist, legs tangled with hers. Pressing slow, sleepy kisses to her shoulder, he heard her wake up and she rolled so she could look up at him. Her hand came up to touch his face, fingertips trailing over his nose and lips and she pulled him down into a kiss. He wanted answers, where she had been, what she had been doing, he wanted to know _why._ But first, he wanted _her._

They made love again slowly, James holding her in his lap while she rocked against him. His hand pressed against her tailbone as his hips rolled up into her, arms around her as her orgasm washed over her, his name falling from her lips in a sob. Which a choking groan, he released inside her and they held each other until the spasms of their aftershocks subsided.

His lips ran along the seams of her scars, where smooth skin met warped tissue and she sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. If he could, he wanted to stay like this forever, wrapped in her arms, her skin pressed against his and surrounded by her scent. He moved so she was under him, her hair splayed on the pillows, the morning light coming in through the window and illuminating her eyes.

"I lost you." He said, holding the side of her face in his hand, thumb moving over her lower lip.

"I'm so sorry, James." Sarah said, "I never wanted you to go through that."

"What happened?"

"I destroyed the Reapers, the Citadel with them, and I re-entered the atmosphere protected only by broken armor and the failing mass effect fields of an exploding space station. When I came to, I was buried under several tons of wreckage and bleeding heavily. I shifted to heal."

"Why didn't you come back?"

"Too much time had passed." She said simply, "It would have been impossible to explain without telling them _everything_ , so I stayed away. But I heard your call and I had to see you again."

"Don't go, don't leave me again." Her fingers traced over his face again, moving over the scar across the bridge of his nose.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." She pulled him down into a kiss and he sighed into her lips, "Which I don't, in case you were wondering." James gave a small smile at that, and it was then that both their stomachs gave rather loud growls making them laugh.

"I'll get us some food." James said and moved off her, standing and pulling on his sweatpants. He watched her for a moment from the doorway as she rolled onto her stomach, fingers lacing through her hair and he felt his control slipping, his tongue skimming over his lower lip as his eyes moved over her form.

"Food." She reminded him and he looked away from her.

"Right, food." He said, "Going to get us some food." He paused before leaving, "You're going to be here when I get back?"

"Yes, James, I'll be here."

* * *

 **Let me know what you think!**


	7. Resurrection

**I don't own Mass Effect**

* * *

She _wasn't_ in bed when he got back from making them food, Kaidan and Steve off somewhere, Kaidan having sent a message to his omni-tool saying they would be back later. He did, however, hear the shower running in the small connected bathroom and a grin pulled at his lips as he set the plates down on the long dresser against the wall.

Moving silently, he went into the bathroom, the air steamy and the mirror and glass doors of the stall fogged over. He could see her through the mist as she washed herself, a heavy spike of need making his breathing go heavy.

"Nice try." She said and he sighed.

"How did you know?" He asked as he shed his sweatpants, sliding open the door and joining her in the stall.

"A) You're the only one here and B) I just spent the better part of a year on four legs, my senses are still a little extreme." Sarah said and giggled as he backed her against the wall of the shower, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down into a kiss that made his blood run hot. Her skin was slick with soap and she slid against him as the water flowed around them. His hands went to her thighs and he went to pick up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, but she stopped him with a hand against his chest. "Easy there, love of my life, let's get you washed up."

Reaching over, she grabbed the bar of soap and moved it in her hands, forming a thick lather before setting it aside. Her hands moved over his chest, slender fingers moving up to his neck and sliding back down his chest and stomach. Her arms wrapped around him as she washed his back, pressing a kiss to his chin and making him smile.

His breath caught in his throat as she dragged her hand down his stomach, nails catching on his skin and slid her palm over him, soap making her slick as she stroked him, squeezing and pumping her hand along his length, moving down to cup his balls before wrapping her fingers around him again. His hips starting moving into her hand as a tingling wave passed over his skin and she grabbed the shower head, rinsing him off before pressing kisses to him, licking the water from his chest. Her fingertips ghosted over the head and he braced himself with a hand against the tile, eyes closing as she pleasured him.

She grabbed the soap again, working it in her hands before dropping to her knees, his breath catching again as she looked up at him. Her hands went to his thighs, palms spreading suds over his skin, moving around and up to his ass, palming it and squeezing, pulling him closer just a little bit. Rinsing her hands in the spray, she wrapped her fingers around him again angling him upwards and pressing her lips to his base.

Sarah had never done this for him before (his dream didn't count), had never seem interested and James had been trying to figure out a way to ask. The flat of her tongue dragged up his shaft, flicking against the tip and making him swallow hard as a shudder ran through him. Holding him a firm grip, she pressed a kiss to the wide head and he watched as she slid him past her lips, taking as much as she could into her mouth.

 _"Ah, fuck."_ He whispered as he watched as she started bobbing on his length slowly, her tongue rubbing against him, wrapping around him. He left her mouth and she pulled her tongue up him again, brushing her lips back and forth against him before taking him again deep. " _Ay dios mio, Sarah."_ Her movements increased and she started sucking on him hard and fast, pleasure shivering up his spine, his hips thrusting into her mouth. "Stop! Stop stop stop! _Dios,_ I'm not going to last much longer."

Pulling her up, their mouths meshed, tongues entwined as he picked her up, her legs hitching around his hips. He felt himself nudge her entrance and with one push, he hilted himself inside her. She was wet and hot around him, his hands going to her ass, squeezing and shaping as he pounded into her. Her hips rolled into him, meeting his thrusts with her own, her head falling back against the tile. The cries that left her with every push of his hips increased his arousal and her head canted to the side, baring her throat in a clear invite. His previous marks had long since vanished and he felt the Other come to the front, his thrusts becoming almost violent, holding her hips with bruising strength as his teeth sank into the muscle of her neck, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to bruise. He looked at the mark with masculine pride, soothing it with his tongue.

Looping an arm around her waist, tile cracked as he slammed his hand against it above their heads, claws digging furrows into it, eyes closed tight as his orgasm started to build fast. Her lips pressed against his and he bit at them as he kissed her roughly, her body starting to tense as her inner muscles quivered around him.

"Come, Sarah. Fuck I want to feel you." James whispered, thrusting into her until she cried out, hips bucking against him as she throbbed around him, muscles squeezing him rhythmically. A few more savage jerks and he joined her, letting out a hoarse shout as he spilled himself inside her. His movements slowed, almost withdrawing from her completely before sliding back into her, drawing out both of their releases. His limbs shook, legs feeling like jello from the strength of his release and he held her as he ease down onto the floor of the stall, sitting on the cool tile with her in his lap.

Her fingers moved through his wet hair, nails scratching over his scalp as she kissed him, his arms tightening around her.

—

Kaidan and Steve came home to find her and James curled up together in the small living area, her wearing one of his t-shirts again as all of her clothes were on the Normandy. Kaidan had held her for a long moment before making a teary joke that he should have expected her to come back. She sensed the Other in him almost immediately, watching it move behind his eyes as he felt hers as well, catching the almost imperceptible scent of fur that clung to his skin.

She understood why James had done what he did, and honestly couldn't say she wouldn't have done the same. The fact that Kaidan enjoyed being what he was now made it easier to move past it, and he accepted her authority the moment she let the Other bleed into her eyes. She was the Alpha, as was James, and Kaidan was their Beta; their second-in-command. James had cracked that he was glad they hadn't needed to duke it out in order establish pack hierarchy. She wasn't happy that the entire crew of the Normandy knew what she was, but she trusted that they wouldn't say anything, it's not like anyone would believe them if they did.

Steve had gone to get some of her clothes from the Normandy and once she was dressed and presentable, she gave the order to contact Anderson and Hackett. The two Admirals had been speechless when they had shown up to find her there dressed in her Alliance BDUs as if nothing had happened and she hadn't spent the better part of a year dead. The scarring on her one side, visible on her neck over her collar and down her arm, had concerned them and she had thought for a moment that they were going to order her to tell them where she had been. It must have been something in her eyes, or the way James and Kaidan had flanked her, that made them accept the fact that she simply wasn't going to tell them. The media was already requesting a press conference of the Admirals along with James, Kaidan, and Garrus, and they decided it was then that she would come back into public view.

Sarah tugged at the collar of her dress blue uniform, very much wanting to take her hair down from the smooth bun she had put it in. Almost a year of living on four legs out in the middle of nowhere alone and here she was, back in "civilization" on two legs, dressed in her Alliance uniform about to start a media shit storm. It felt weird to be in clothes again.

There were consequences, apparently, to being in the Other for so long. Her vision was sharper, as was her sense of smell and hearing. The green of her eyes was more vibrant, almost eerie.

James and Kaidan cut impressive figures in their dress blues, though James looked about as uncomfortable as she was. There had been a debate on how they wanted to do this. Should she walk out on the platform with the rest of them? Should she be the first? Or the last? It was decided that she would be the last one to walk out and she waited in the wings, James pressing a kiss to her forehead before he left her, walking up on the stage and taking his seat behind the long table. Video drones were trained on them, the lights bright, almost blinding, reporters waiting for the conference to begin once everyone was settled.

Nervousness made her tense. She didn't want to do this. This was a bad idea. She should go, leave before anyone knew she was there. She didn't _have_ to do this. She could go, vanish, stay dead as far as anyone was concerned. James would come with her and they would disappear, going far away from anyone and live out the rest of their lives in solitude.

Smoothing her hands down her uniform jacket, she took a deep breath and stepped out on the stage. It erupted in noise, the lights blinding her for a moment and she pushed the Other away as it threatened to come forward. She heard her name being called out by several different voices but she ignored them, going to her seat next to James and taking his hand under the table, squeezing it tight.

* * *

 **Let me know what you think!**


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